I just recently ended a 3 year relationship. It was hard and it was messy and I’m still trying to figure my way out of it. But I’ve learned a lot going through it, and I’ve been having to let go of a lot of plans and ideas I had (loosely) in place for the future.
When you’ve passed the 3 year mark in a relationship, it feels as if that’s it. Just a matter of time before you get engaged and get married and start that chapter of your life, if that’s something you both are looking forward to. Marriage isn’t for everyone, but it’s an idea in my head that I believe is for me. And it was for him to, so we were pretty much just waiting to have our professional lives in line before we took a step in the marriage direction.
I think that made the break up that much harder. It came out of the blue. I never saw it coming. All of a sudden he had feelings for someone else and I was not going to wait around and be tied for second. So we split. And it sucked.
So now, I’m single, marriage is nowhere in my future, I’m not moving out anytime soon and the only thing holding to me to my current city is the family that would be there for me regardless of where I roam.
I feel lost in the city I’ve known my whole life. I feel stuck, but I don’t have the passion or the drive to get myself out of it, and all I want to do is bleach my hair, throw a few eggs and maybe one good punch.
Talking to new people is fun, but I’m hesitant because I don’t know what people are looking for. I was just in a relationship that was very comfortable and affectionate. I can’t just jump into something like that with someone else. That stuff takes time, and I am impatient and stubborn.
Luckily, I know who I am without a relationship. I’ve always stayed very close with my friends and I had my own separate interests. I don’t believe this relationship changed who I was in general. Family and friends have always been very important to me, and I never felt like I had to give anything up for that relationship. It had its time and I had mine.
I’ve been keeping busy. I’ve been working, seeing friends and even seeing some people. Trying to see where I fit in with the single world, and spending time with the people who have been there through it all.